Dark Matter Strikes, Yet Another Do-Over, Part 17

DADADADUNNN! You got: Mario’s Hat. It kind of smells inside.

Mario: HEY! GIVE ME THAT!

Mario snatched the hat from Link’s hands.

Kirby: That was a pretty fun fight. And we even got your hat back.

Mario: Thank you so much you guys. You’ve all been very helpful, unlike my useless brother of mines. He’s always there snuggling with that girlfriend with his and not paying attention to anything else.

Link felt mentally stabbed but nodded to Mario along with Kirby.

Link: Pleased to help.

Kirby: Ditto. Also, who is your brother?

Mario: His name is Luigi.

Kirby and Link jumped at that name.

Link: Luigi? You mean the man in green?

Kirby: I’ve heard great stories back in my homeplanet about him. I can’t believe you’re his brother!

Mario collapses to the ground in a similar fashion that people fall over in anime.

What?! Mario thought to himself. Luigi is more popular to them?

Kirby: Mario, are you OK?

Link: I bet the wind blew him over.

Kirby: Can’t be. He’s way too chubby for the wind.

Kirby and Link snicker at the comment.

Mario caught this and jumps up very high into the air towards Kirby.

Kirby and Link stare in disbelief.

Mario: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME FAT?!

Mario was approaching Kirby rather quickly. Kirby had a huge sweatdrop on his head as he tried to get away, but with no success.

CENSORS CENSORS CENSORS CENSORS

Too violent for all of you.

Just imagine a violent scene from Higurashi, only without the dying and blood, and you get the idea.

UNCENSOR UNCENSOR UNCENSOR UNCENSOR

Kirby is lying on the ground covered in bruises and bandages (don’t ever bother asking how they got there in the first place) with his mouth wide-open, as if Mario actually murdered him.

Link looked at Mario in amazement.

Link: Wow, I never knew you could pull a Chuck Norris.

Mario: Luigi tells me whenever I am angry, I magically gain the ability to channel my anger and do his copyrighted roundhouse kick and other such awesome copyrighted moves.

Link: Awesome!

Mario and Link walk out into the distance talking about how awesome Chuck Norris was and other random things, like pasta.

The scene pans out to reveal an almost-dead Kirby waking up from his daze and just realized that Mario and Link were gone from the area.

One of Kirby’s veins nearly popped out in anger.

Kirby: HEY, AREN’T YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE?!

He ran after the two.

—

End of part 17

Original chapter.

Dark Matter Strikes, Yet Another Do-Over, Part 16.

Mario watched Linkand Kirby argue for just about an hour now. They finally agreed to call each other stupid for at least one week. Link and Kirby didn’t notice how many times they shoved the Goomba out of the way during their argument.

The Goomba was outraged at how many times he was shoved and showed a sign of calming down when Link and Kirby stared at him with Mario.

Link: Hey, why are you so angry?

Smart move. The Goomba got angry again.

Kirby: Oh right, let’s kill this dumb moron thing already.

The Goomba was too angry now to say anything and rushed the trio with all its might.

—

BATTLE ENGAGE — VIDEO GAME-TYPE NARRATION

—

BATTLE SOUNDTRACK – TALES OF DESTINY 2 – THEME OF BATTLE

—

Link evades the tackle by the Goomba! Goomba misses its tackle!

Mario is chanting a spell.

Kirby charges the recovering Goomba. He takes out his hidden cutter knife and slashes Goomba for 4 points of damage!

Goomba retiliates by attempting a tackle towards Kirby but is intercepted by a bullseye shot placed by Link and his bow! Critical hit! Goomba takes 8 points of damage!

Goomba goes into Berserk mode! He loses control over his actions but his offensive power is multiplied by twofold!

However, Goomba’s berserk mode is intercepted by Mario’s spell! Mario forms a fireball in his palm and throws it!

Mario: HADOK-

Mario’s attempt at copyright infringement fails! You know better than that!

The fireball hits the Goomba square in the forehead! Or whatever you call that middle part of its mushroomish head. The Goomba takes 12 points of damage!

Mario starts chanting another spell.

Goomba, in its enraged fury, charges Mario at full speed. Link jumps in front of Mario and deflects the charge with his shield, causing the Goomba to be momentarily stunned!

Kirby’s cutter weapon temporarily turns into a star shaped rod! Kirby runs behind the Goomba and lightly taps the Goomba on the head with the star rod! A small starry explosion forms and hurts the Goomba for 7 points of damage! The Goomba flys a bit into the air! — TECHNIQUE: STAR TAP.

Link, while the Goomba is still stunned in the air, does a fancy two-hit slash with his sword, in the shape of an X! The Goomba takes 15 points of damage from two clean hits and flies a bit more higher! — TECHNIQUE: CROSS-SLASH.

The well coordination of Link and Kirby’s techniques causes an extra 3 points of damage to the Goomba!

Mario casts a spell at just the right moment to coordinate with Link and Kirby’s techniques! A small fireball forms from the air and lands on the Goomba as it lands, causing the Goomba to fly a bit more longer for 20 points of damage! This well-placed spell causes an extra 5 points of damage to the Goomba, finishing it off and making it faint to drop Mario’s hat!

—

BATTLE END

—

VICTORY

—

EXP gained: 5.

ITEMS FOUND: Mario’s Hat.

—

End of part 16.

Original chapter.

Dark Matter Strikes, Yet Another Do-Over, Part 15

The Goomba, in its rage, charges the group.

Link unshealthed his sword, while Mario put on his fighting gloves. They were mostly white. No, not that kind, you racist people.

However, the Goomba charged Kirby and jumped towards him at full speed.

Link: Kirby, watch out!

Mario started to charge up a fireball in his hand to throw but it was taking far too long to be able to help Kirby.

Kirby had a glint in his eye. He took out a blade hidden somewhere in his body and slashes the Goomba, knocking him out of the air and forcing him to land on the ground hard.

Mario and Link started at Kirby’s feat amazingly.

Link: Woah…Kirby. I never knew you had a knife hidden in you. How do you manage to hid it in that weird body of yours?

Kirby (speaking with a wink): Well Link, I am NOT from this planet, remember that. We have many secrets on how we work.

Mario: Wait, you’re from a different planet?

Kirby and Link facepalmed.

Link: Was the pink skin, round body, not a hint to you at all?

Kirby: Yeah, Mario, you’re almost as stupid as Link.

Link: HEY!

Kirby: Just kidding.

Link: Hmm…I wonder Kirby…

Mario: Err, the Goomba is charging us again.

Kirby: You wonder what?

Link: Why would you think I am stupid?

Kirby: Let’s see. How about all those times where you nearly impaled me with your sword?

Link: Not my fault you were standing where all my attacks are going.

Kirby: So you’re calling ME stupid?

Mario: Um…guys.

Link: Yeah. It’s common sense to not stand where I swing my sword.

Kirby: You swing your sword recklessly dude.

Link: But it’s for good reason!

Mario: Uhh, guys…

Kirby: Yes, the tree you cut down that fell on me. Yeah, good reason.

Link: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Mario: GUYS!

Goomba: DIE!!!

The Goomba charged both Link and Kirby but was met by a Link shoving the Goomba out of the way and knocking him into the ground while both Kirby and Link continued their argument.

Mario: *sigh* How did I meet such idiots in the first place? Well, at least they’re helping me inadvertedly.

Mario watches as Link smacks the Goomba again as it attempted to rush the bickering pair and just chuckles to himself.

—

END OF PART 15
Original, etc.

Dark Matter Strikes, Yet Another Do Over, Part 14

—

Mario: Now that was the best food I’ve ever had in a long time.

Link: That was an interesting display of eating talent as well. Why, you eat just as fast as Kirby!

Kirby: Excuse me Link. JUST as fast? I actually eat MUCH faster than you think. I’m more capable than that. MARIO!

Kirby points at Mario.

Mario: Erm, yes?

Kirby: I CHALLENGE YOU! TO AN EATING CONTEST!

Mario: YOU’RE ON! SET A TIME!

Kirby: RIGHT NOW!

Link walks up to Kirby and smacks him.

Kirby: LINK! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Link: Aren’t you two forgetting something? Your hat, Mario.

Mario: Ooooh. Righttt. Totally forgot.

Link: Are you two food-obsessed or something?

“YES!” was the united response from Kirby and Mario. Link just face-palmed.

Link: Well we can have that eating contest anytime after we get your hat back, Mario.

Mario: OK! Hear that Kirby!?

Kirby: YES! BE PREPARED TO LOSE WHEN WE START!

Mario: YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH!

Kirby and Mario stared at each other with a fiery passion. Basically, fire in their eyes.

Kirby: OH MY GOD, MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!

Mario: MINE TOO!!!

Link just sighed.

—

Kirby and Link were being led by Mario to where he suspects (and knows) where the Goomba is hiding. They were having a lively conversation and laughing to themselves.

Mario: …I used to eat with a baby fork. When I was a baby!

They all laughed hard at the thought.

Gee. I wonder what they are talking about.

Kirby: Hey Mario. I see a hat sticking out of the bushes. Is that where it’s hiding?

Link: Seems like it. What do you call those things?

Mario: Um…let’s see…what were they called. Hmm.

The bush rustled a little.

Mario: Dumbos? No wait..

The bush rustled a bit more.

Mario: Gummie ball machines? No wait.

The bush rustled more violently.

Mario: Oh, I got it! Doomed morons!

The creature jumped out of the bush with Mario’s head.

Creature: IT’S GOOMBA! GOOMBA YOU MORON!

Kirby: Good thinking Mario. You lured it out, so now we can kill this doomed moron and get your hat back.

Goomba: IT’S GOOMBA! G-O-O-

Link: Yeah Mario, let’s take out this Googoogaga thingie and get your hat back.

Goomba: WHY YOU-

Mario: Well that wasn’t intentional. I was trying to remember his name. Now let’s take out that doomed moron!

Goomba: UGH, DIE ALL OF YOU!

—

End of part 14

You know the drill.

Dark Matter Strikes, Yet Another Do-Over, Part 13

Kirby: By the way, shouldn’t you be trying to get back your hat?

Mario: Yes, that is true-a.

Link: Me and Kirby will help you, it was partly our fault anyways.

Kirby: Yes, we shall!

Mario: Thank you-a, you guys are truly nice-a.

Link: What’s with the -a’s at the end of your sentences?

Mario: My Italian accent-a.

Kirby: But the author has no idea how to implement it.

Yes, that is true.

Link: How about we pretend you’re speaking in your Italian accent, just to make it easier?

Mario: That might work-a.

Kirby: First thing to do. Ditch that -a.

Mario: Fine-a.

Link: NOW.

Mario: OKOK!

Kirby: Let’s go! Off in that direction! That’s where I saw it go last!

Link: That’s because I told you it went that way after Mario knocked you over.

Kirby: *ignoring Link* Let’s go, let’s go!

Mario’s stomach grumbles.

Kirby: Gah! What was that?

Link: There must be some evil demon around here.

Link draws out his sword, which narrowly misses Kirby again.

Kirby: Darn it Link! Stop trying to kill me!

Link: Sorry Kirby. It’s just that you always happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Mario: Guys, stop fighting. That was my stomach. I haven’t eaten anything at all.

Kirby: So that’s what a human stomach sounds like when it wants food.

Link: Is there anything you prefer to eat, Mario?

Mario: I want mushrooms.

Link and Kirby stared at each other.

Mario: What?

Kirby: Nothing.

Link: Nothing at all.

Mario: Can we get some food to eat, please?

Link: Actually. I have some mushroom take-out with me right now.

Kirby: Link, how’d you manage to have that?

Link: Oh, the lady gave it to me after I woke up for a bit to thank her, then went back to sleep. Anyways, here Mario.

Link handed Mario the small takeout box, whom gratefully accepted it.

Mario: THIS IS THE LEGENDARY FOOD OF THAT INN WE’RE STANDING NEXT TO! THANK YOU!

Link: You’re welcome. It’s on me. I’m not a big fan of mushrooms.

Kirby: Ditto!

Mario: Thank you very much!

Link: We should get going. You can eat while we’re running towards where that creature went. Or you can eat while we beat on the creature-

Link froze in mid-sentence. Kirby stared in shock.

Mario just threw the box in the air and ate the whole thing in one gulp.

Kirby’s look of shock slowly turned into a look of amazement.

Kirby: Wow. And I thought I was the only one that could eat food that fast.

—

End of part 13

Original chapter.

Dark Matter STRIKES: Yet Another Do-Over, Part 12

All of a sudden, as Kirby leaned over to make out what the voice was saying, Link jumps out of the window with his sword drawn towards the ground.

Link: NO WORRIES! LINK IS HERE! HAVE AT YE, VILE VILLAINS! Man, I always wanted to do that. It wasn’t smart of me to jump out like that but I am sure glad the sword cushioned my fall!

Link looked around.

Link: Uhh…Kirby?

Link felt a shaking under him.

Kirby: MMPH! (GET OFF ME YOU MORON!)

Kirby shoved Link off him as he said that.

Kirby: YOU NEARLY KILLED ME WITH YOUR SWORD AGAIN!

Link: Sorry, sorry!

Kirby: It’s fine. You never seem to kill me anyways.

Link: So what was that commotion about?

Kirby: I have no idea. All I could make out was that the voice was talking about some hat.

Suddenly, a small mushroom like creature ran past Kirby and Link at blazing speed, wearing a hat. Kirby attempted to observe the creature, but then a small chubby man ran into Kirby and knocked him over.

Kirby: Um. OW!

Kirby dusted himself.

The chubby man apologized dearly for running into Kirby. Kirby and Link excused him of this.

Kirby: Now, was that thing carrying your hat?

Man: Yes, yes it was. It stole it from me while I was napping.

Link: How exactly did it break into your house and steal it?

Man: Oh, I was napping outside in one of those lawn chairs in the town.

Kirby: Don’t you have your own backyard where you can do that and the whole place is barricaded by a fence?

Man: Yeah…I got sleepy halfway as I was taking my morning walk.

Link: And it did not occur to you that you might’ve gotten robbed if you went to sleep in a public place?

Man: Yeah…that’s abou- HEY! ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?!

Link: Took you that long to realize.

Kirby: LINK!

Man: Meh, it’s fine. I get this a lot.

Kirby: This seems strangely familiar.

Kirby stares at Link.

Link: What’s with the funny look Kirby?

Kirby: Oh nothing. Nothing at all.

The chubby man cleared his throat.

Man: Pardon me, but I do believe we have not introduced ourselves yet.

Kirby: Ahh yes, forgive our rudeness. My name is Kirby.

Link: And I am Link. Pleased to meet you.

Man: You may know me as…MARIO, THE LEGENDARY JUMPER!

Mario posed with all those fancy explosion effects around him.

Link: Nope.

Kirby: No idea, never heard of you.

Mario collapsed on the ground.

Mario: Aww man, and I thought I was famous too…

—

End of part 12

Original chapter.

Dark Matter Strikes: Yet Another Do-Over, Part 11

Kirby and Link managed to have a lovely sleep. A sleep so lovely that Kirby didn’t even notice the sun shining in his eyes until he opened them.

Kirby: A…ap…

He slumped back to sleep. He was mumbling something about an apocolypse. He didn’t really get back to sleep as Link snored rather loudly.

Kirby opened his eyes rather slowly this time. He slowly stretched his arms.

Kirby: Ahh…that was the best sleep I’ve ever gotten since I left home. Then again, this is only the second day of my journey.

Kirby peeked his body down to Link’s bunk.

Kirby (face was like ^.^): Hey Link, rise and shine, time to get up…huh?

Link wasn’t on his bunk bed.

Kirby: Uhh Link? Where did you go?

Kirby dropped down right next to Link’s bunk.

Kirby: Link?

Kirby decided to search the whole room for Link. No good. Then he thought of something.

Kirby: He couldn’t have possibly-!

Kirby peeked under the bed. A sword flew out and back in, narrowly missing Kirby, who jumped out of the way in time.

Kirby: What the heck?! That almost killed me!

Kirby looked under the bed again.

Kirby: Link! What the hell? You nearly killed me. Again!

He then noticed Link holding his sword in his left hand, and his right hand in his mouth, sucking his right thumb. Link was in a fetal position of a sorts. Kirby took a picture of this with his digital camera (again, do NOT ask where he got that) and holding back snickers. Then Kirby took a few steps back.

Kirby (screaming): Link. WAKE UP!

Link’s eyes shot open and he banged his head on the bunk he was sleeping under.

Link: GAH! MY HEAD! KIRBY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO THAT!

Kirby rolled his eyes.

Kirby: First of all. It’s twelve in the morning *pointing to clock*. AND YOU NEARLY KILLED ME IN YOUR SLEEP!

Link: Ugh just give me five more minutes…

Kirby: Oh fine!

He slowly leaves the building as he liked the mushroom-like atmosphere, and bid farewell to the nice mushroom lady that showed him the room he stayed in with Link.

Suddenly, Kirby hears a scream. He barely made it out to be “…MY HAT!”

—

End of Part 11

Original chapter. You know the drill.

Dark Matter Strikes: Yet Another Do-Over, Part 10

As soon as Link finished his piece of steak, Link couldn’t help but do a little dance.

Link (happily): This is the best thing I’ve ever had since Deku Nuts! I am so glad I ordered this.

Kirby: I would want to try a piece but it’s your ord-

Kirby was interrupted as Link stuffed a piece of the steak into his mouth.

Kirby: Mmph?!

Link: YOU MUST TRY THIS TASTE TOO! But I’m only giving you one piece to eat.

Kirby’s cheeks started to swell.

Kirby: So…good…we should come here often!

Link: I agree.

Link said this as he stuffed another piece in his mouth. Kirby stared at Link as he put the piece into his mouth.

Kirby: …Is that a baby fork you’re eating with there?

Link started laughing hard at the joke. Unfortunately for him he was still in the middle of chewing his steak.

Soon enough, Link started to choke on his steak piece but he was still laughing.

Kirby: Link? Are you all right?

Link who was banging his hands on the table: CACACACACA!

Kirby: Cacacacaca? Can you at least laugh properly?

The waitress knew exactly what was happening and ran over to the table.

Lady: Oh dear…another case of choking.

Kirby: Oh, so that’s what it was! I thought he was laughing so hard that he couldn’t laugh properly!

Lady: Hahaha…duck!

Kirby promptly ducked as the waitress walked behind Link and smacked him in the back, causing him to spit out a piece of the steak he was choking on. It headed in Kirby’s direction but luckily he was ducking. Somehow the piece of steak landed on a plate on another table. Link ran towards it with his fork and finished off the piece of steak. The waitress and Kirby looked at each other nervously.

Lady: Ahahaha…glad to see you’re enjoying the food this much!

The waitress bowed and returned to her table. Link screamed.

Link: SO GOOD!

The waitress could not help but laugh at Link. Kirby just drank his water that was placed out by the waitress while Link was choking on his steak. Link started to scarf his steak down and drinking water to speed up the process.

Link: This taste is so wonderful…I wish I could order more but I’m getting rather full now~

Kirby snickered.

Kirby: Baby f-

Link: Don’t even start Kirby!

Kirby: Aww, you’re no fun.

Link happily scarfed down his steak and called for the bill. The waitress handed them the bill. Link took out his bag and poured out two red gems.

Link: Keep the change. I think this covers it.

Lady: Thank you very much! Have a good night!

Kirby and Link went back to their room in high spirits and went back to sleep at 1:30 AM.

—

End of Part 10
Original chapter, extras, etc.

Dark Matter Strikes: Yet Another Do-Over, Part 9

Link: …FIRE!

Kirby: Link, were you that scared of that fire I nearly hit you with?

Link: Fire hurts. A lot. I am not wearing my Red Tunic set as well. It makes it so I’m immune to the effects of the fire. If only I bought it with me when I took the warp from Hyrule to these lands. Please tell me when you are done eating.

Kirby: Sure thing!

Kirby stuffed the remains of his “Curry Flower Rice” into his huge mouth and swallowed it all in one gulp.

Kirby: Delicious~

Link started to panic.

Link: DIDN’T YOU LEARN YOUR LESSON WHEN YOU ATE ONLY A SPOONFUL OF IT? YOU’RE GOING TO NUKE THE WHOLE PLACE WITH ALL THAT!

Kirby (assuring Link): No worries Link, I know exactly what I am doing.

Kirby opened his mouth and proceeded to vacuum a nearby fire extinguisher and swallowed that whole.

Kirby: Ahh…that feels much better!

Link was in shock.

Link: …I am not even going to TRY and question what just happened here.

Both Kirby and Link stared at the waitress quickly replacing the gulped up fire extinguisher with another one. Kirby apologized again but the waitress just smiled and told him that there’s tons of fire extinguishers in the restaurant and to not worry. Link finally got up to feast his eyes on the steak he had ordered. Kirby’s fire from earlier managed to graze the steak, keeping it nice and warm.

Link: So all I do is cut this, right?

Kirby: Yes. Any sharp object will work as long as you make the pieces small enough to fit your mouth easily.

Link: Ok then! Itakimasu!

Link stabbed the fork into the steak and threw it up into the air. He unsheathed his recently cleaned sword and did a series of impressive slashing. However, Kirby had mixed opinions about his sword skills when Link accidentally let go of his sword in the middle of the slashing.

Kirby (panicking): Link, you nearly killed me again!

Kirby pulled the sword out that was sticking out next to him and threw it to Link, who caught it.

Link: Sorry.

At that moment the steak Link cut landed neatly into seven pieces like a tower column. Kirby clapped at this despite the fact Link nearly impaled him on his sword once again.

Link: This looks so good now…

Link stuck a fork into one of the pieces and ate it up.

Kirby: So…how is it?

The only response Link gave was a thumbs up as he chewed happily on his piece of steak.

—

End of Part 9

Original chapter, extras, etc.

Dark Matter Strikes: Yet Another Do-Over, Part 8

Link was getting really annoyed at Kirby now.

Link: You won against me at Rock Paper Scissors about one hundred times now and I didn’t even win one!

Kirby: Maybe if you chose something besides rock you’d stand a chance. Remember that I only can form a paper with my flappy arms.

Link: But what if you tried a secret trick on me, alien!

Kirby just sighed and wondered if Link was either really paranoid or really really dumb. Just then, the lady approached the pair with the food they ordered. “Curry Flower Rice” had rice covered in a juicy looking yellow sauce with flowers mixed in into the rice. The thing practically screamed “EAT ME~”. Link’s dish was a simple looking steak but seemingly cooked with the utmost care. However, the steak was not exactly rare, but Link couldn’t tell the difference as this would be the first time he would have such a dish. It was cooked to the point of perfection as the steak had no burn spots, nor any rock hardness, so a knife could easily cut the steak. Kirby and Link thanked the waitress as she smiled and walked away shouting “Enjoy!”

“Itadakimasu!” they both shouted as they started to dig into their food. Link looked a little stumped as he took the fork and stabbed the steak with it.

Link: Uhh…how am I supposed to eat this? This is a rather large bite.

Kirby: Just cut it into pieces with a knife or something. *stuffs a spoonful of his rice into mouth* Make bite-sized chunks and just eat those. Hmm. I really like how spicy this rice is.

Kirby suddenly sneezed. As he sneezed, he felt a burning sensation from his throat and let out a burst of flames which nearly hit Link but he managed to jump out of the way in time. The waitress was extinguishing the flames which hit a plant with a fire extinguisher she was carrying the whole time. Kirby sincerely apologized.

Lady: Don’t worry, this happens all the time with the curry flower. That’s why we have fire extinguishers everywhere.

Kirby: So that’s what you call them. They’re amazing.

The lady just smiled sweetly at Kirby and walked away. There were indeed fire extinguishers at every corner. Most of them were contained in the “USE IN CASE OF FIRE” boxes, although instead of “USE IN CASE OF FIRE”, they were labeled “USE WHEN SERVING CURRY FLOWER”.

Link was still lying on the ground shivering at what had just happened.

—

END OF PART 8

Original chapter, extras, etc.